I'm just letting everyone know I'm alive.

My 20th birthday was the 24th of March. It was okay. I'm currently single.. I dated Frank for three months until I broke up with him on the 21st of April. I took it harder than he did. I broke up with him because he was ignoring me. He wouldn't kiss me, he wouldn't pay any attention to me. We were just friends. We're still friends. Nothing has changed. I'm just officially not seeing anyone now. It didn't bother him at all that we broke up, I was the one hurt.

There's someone I'm interested in. Oddly he reminds me of my brother Mark, a lot. His name is Logan, suiting I guess that he'd have my other 'brother's' name. I'm not sure we'll ever date, but I'm fine with that. I haven't known him very long and I'd rather just be friends for now anyway, he's nearly becoming my best friend and I'd rather that over screwing things up to date him.

He makes me laugh and smile. He doesn't care what I am, he cares about who I am. From the first day I met him we started talking and basically ever time we see each other we don't stop. He wants to be a lawyer. But he also wants to go into the Marines. I find that very noble of him and when he told me that he went up four notches in respect with me. He's honest. He has a backbone, but for the most part he tries to be nice to people. But he's not someone to cross. I'm not sure if that'll work well with me being so passive or not, but I guess only time will tell.

In retrospect.. I'm just glad to know him. I know that he'll be a big part of my life, rather to teach me a lesson or be a good friend or perhaps more. I guess I'll find out in time.

As an update with my sister and family... I don't have to live there anymore. I've been home for about a month now. But I don't know what's going on with the charges against Shaun.

Ohh... I dyed my hair red for my birthday, hence why my hair is so light in that picture.

Well, my brother's kitten finally got a name, it's Loki. ^^

Jason got home today/tonight... *frowns and sighs* Too much stress...

I went to see Eragon today... wasn't that good honestly. It was alright though.

The picture I'm using as my avatar right now is what I looked like before we left for the movie. I wanted to show Mike what he was missing... but it didn't seem to work that well... he was... happy. Much happier than he had ever been while we were together. That honestly made me mad. Maybe I should be happy for him... but he hurt me a lot... and the fact that he didn't care at all about what happened... acting as though we were never together, that nothing happened... angered me.

I've been thinking a lot about rather he actually loved me or if it was all a ploy to get into my pants. Danny thinks it was just to get into my pants... Brit is torn on the matter. It's... not long before all of this happened Joel hurt me in the same way, but at least with Joel I knew what I was getting into... he didn't lie about that, of course he tried to sweet talk me but it wasn't anything I didn't already know, he didn't put up this facade. Mike did. It almost felt like it was all a lie to me... And I don't understand why... I trusted him... I thought he was different, but I was wrong.

I told Mom tonight that Mike broke up with  me. She asked me if he told me why and I told her the reason... she said... she said she was proud of me... *chews her lip* Thats the first time she has ever said that to me. I've always felt forgotten by her...

I'm scared though... I've started talking to Joel again recently, right before all of this happened. I can't do all of that again... I just can't. Stupidly I'm still attracted to him... I hate that... I really do. He's been flirting with me, trying to kiss me and all of this... and I'm not ready for another relationship official or not... especially from him. Its the same thing with Ana... and I know that's another drama filled problem waiting to happen... I can't with either of them. Ana... I love her to death as a friend, but she reminds me of all of the bad relationships I get into with other girls, the exact type I don't want to get involved with. Joel is just the same bad type I get involved with on the male side...

Sadly... I've been wanting to find a girlfriend. Seriously... I've been sort of looking for one. This isn't like me at all, I never go out looking for a relationship especially one with a girl. But I want to, I want to find a nice girl, decent, loving and compassionate. I know it isn't going to happen any time soon and I don't want to be in another relationship so soon but I figure if I start looking now maybe I can find a friend at least and maybe work it up to more later.

I've been... extremely irritated within the last week... especially the last few days. Maybe that's why I've been keeping away from the majority of people, so that I don't spread this... I don't like putting people in bad moods right along with me. Mike and Cholie have been the only people able to calm me down currently. I'm thankful for both of them at this moment...

I'm leaving for Indiana on Wednesday afternoon? I don't know, something like that anyhow. I'll be gone until the 12th. I hope everyone enjoys their week. I won't be able to check in, no internet access there.